maturity includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us that we don't see in ourselves. stop waiting for a producer. produce yourself.

I will be the first one to admit how immature I am. I think like a 12-year old boy and giggle every time a teacher says orgasm instead of organism in class and tries to play it off like it never happened. I have a terribly dirty mind and I joke about everything. I think it makes a life a little more enjoyable when you can just laugh things off rather than dwelling. But, that really has basically nothing to do with the quote today. Marianne Williamson is a famous lecturer and writer (so she's legit) and she once said: 


"Maturity includes the recognition that no one is going to see anything in us that we don't see in ourselves. Stop waiting for a producer. Produce yourself."


This lady is a smart cookie. Lately I've realized that in order to become anything in life, I have to actually believe in myself. Which is for some reason, very difficult for me. I'm extremely pessimistic. 


What doesn't quite add up for me is that I'm a leader. I've always been a leader. But I guess I'm more of like.. a secondary leader. I like to be given strict direction in order to complete something successfully. I hate being bossed around and I don't really like creating structured work situations but I like being given direction. So, basically I'm a lazy leader. 


I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'd like to be successful though... that'd be swell. I'd like to fall in love and all that jazz too. But I really don't know what I'd like my life "production" to be, in this case. I realize I'm only 20, but I just wish I could have some big ol' dream that I've always wanted to fulfill. Eh, maybe next life.